it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
