beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
