i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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