I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
