The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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