I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
