My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
