haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
