there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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