it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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