That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
