I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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