so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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