i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
