i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
