Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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