Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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