I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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