Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's shark week go big or go home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
