I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
