This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Couch. On fire.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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