but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
