ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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