For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
