**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have already put on my inside pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
