Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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