Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
