I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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