the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
