I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
