for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
