I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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