I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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