It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
