we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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