Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
