Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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