"it" just moved
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
