can u get pink eye on your cock?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
