Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have already put on my inside pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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