Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
