wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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