That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
