there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
