Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
