WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
