Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
