Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
