I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so let's talk penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
