i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just threw up on my dentist
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize