just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
