The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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