you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
