I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
