No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize