apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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