Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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