Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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