There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
