Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
