I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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