He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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