oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
