Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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