So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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