i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
