dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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