I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
