i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
