Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
