i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
