very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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