people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
