Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
