there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
