Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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