I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
